Q: Dr. Hurd, how can someone handle getting older?
A: I’m not elderly myself, but here’s what people I know who handle aging successfully have done:
1. Keep busy. A man in his mid-80’s whom I know says that he never lets a day go by where he doesn’t get out of the house by noon. He might plan a day’s activities or he might simply run an errand at the grocery store. The key, he says, is to get out of the house, no matter what, at least once. He’s widowed many years, but he’s still living independently at the age of 85.
2. See the tradeoffs. Let’s face it; it’s better to be younger than older. But getting older means you have more time and ability to realize the benefits of your mind. You can’t cut the grass as easily, or maybe even at all, but you can still read the classics. (Today, thanks to technology and the competitive marketplace, we have books on tape/cd as well as large print books). You can pursue interests you never thought you’d have. There’s television, the Internet, and all kinds of things that don’t require so much physical stamina, but do make use of your intellect.
3. Never assume you’re too old to do anything, unless the facts prove it. For some old people, the attitude of “I can’t” takes over because they feel they can do less than they really can do. If you try to do something (especially something physical) and you simply cannot do it, that’s one thing; but if you assume you’re too old to benefit from reading good books; sending opinions to newspapers or politicians; joining a cause that’s important to you; doing consultation in your old field or even doing odd jobs in new businesses; or tending to pets … then you’re cheating yourself out of possible fun things. It’s prejudicial “agism” but applied to yourself, rather than someone else doing it to you.
4. Don’t think of yourself as old. Think of yourself as simply you. Well-functioning elderly people often tell me, “I look at this person in the mirror sometimes and I think, ‘Who is this man with wrinkles?'” This happens because the older person doesn’t dwell on his age. He doesn’t sit around thinking of himself as old. He doesn’t deny it, but he doesn’t make it the center of his existence either. Consequently, it’s momentarily surprising to be reminded, in a very blunt way, of his age when he looks in the mirror.
Needless to say, all of these psychological techniques presuppose at least a minimal state of physical health. Some of this is genetic, but a lot of good health is made possible by more sensible decisions in your 40’s, 50’s and 60’s. In many ways, coping with aging is made possible by decisions you’re making in your life right now. Don’t forget that.
