After being pushed to the wall with damning evidence, U.S. President Bill Clinton finally, albeit grudgingly, confessed to the American people that he did have sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky. It wasn’t the first time he cheated on his wife and then, when the media found out, lied to Americans about it. Remember Gennifer Flowers? Clinton survived that one nicely. Will he survive this big lie? Probably.

If questioned, speak carefully in “wishy-washy” terms so that later you can “weasel” your way out of anything you’ve said.

I just happened to “come across” a manual entitled: How to Be Immoral and Still Survive Politically in Our Modern Culture. Clinton seems to have faithfully followed all of its basic steps — except the first one. Here they are:

1) Avoid getting caught. Getting away with cheating on your spouse can be a source of “pleasure” in itself, which breeds recklessness. It generates excitement and a feeling of triumph over reality — for it affirms your talent at fooling others. Recall, as a teenager, the excitement and triumphant feeling from writing obscenities on walls of public washrooms and getting away with it? Guard against recklessness.

2) As insurance, marry a woman who’s so driven by political power lust that she will say and forgive anything (“A right-wing conspiracy!” — “I stand by my man!”) in order to keep you in power.

Appeal to your right to your privacy. Don’t worry if you haven’t respected individual rights in the past — most people today don’t understand individual rights and won’t make the connection.

[The remaining steps pertain to the situation where you get caught. Given our modern age of subjectivism, moral relativism and emotionalism — these steps are extremely effective.]

3) If questioned, speak carefully in “wishy-washy” terms so that later you can “weasel” your way out of anything you’ve said. Fortunately, philosophy professors (pragmatists, linguistic analysts, deconstructionists, etc.) have been preaching for decades that the meaning of a statement (and even its words!) is relative and “indeterminate.”

4) Stall as much as possible until people become disillusioned and exhausted by it all, and just want to forgive and forget.

5) Get as many influential people on your side as possible; use your political power to trade for their support; bribe if necessary. All that matters today is “public opinion” — truth is whatever the majority feels is true — morality is relative. If you are a liberal the media will generally be on your side. They will stress that you are not the first unscrupulous politician, the implication being that it’s normal and acceptable for a politician to be immoral. God help you if you are not a liberal — remember how the media treated Clarence Thomas after Anita Hill’s accusations? Even feminists will forgive a liberal caught using his political power to “sexually exploit” young females.

Hopefully you are a liberal because the media will generally be on your side. They will stress that you are not the first unscrupulous politician, the implication being that it’s normal and acceptable for a politician to be immoral.

6) Claim to be the victim of those who pursue truth and justice. Claiming to be a victim is arguably today’s most popular means of getting away with an injustice.

7) Appeal to your right to your privacy. Don’t worry if you haven’t respected individual rights in the past — most people today don’t understand individual rights and won’t make the connection. Also, spread the idea that morality in one’s private life has nothing to do with one’s capacity to “serve the country.” Thankfully, most people today have already swallowed that one.

8) Appeal to God.
This will especially appease the conservatives.

9) If you are caught lying, appeal to altruism
— tell the public you lied to protect those you love, especially your family. This will appease both liberals and conservatives.

10) When speaking to the public look sincere (fake integrity!), beg for their tolerance and forgiveness, and promise to “put it right.” Don’t worry if you broke similar promises in the past — most people respond emotionally to these pleas and generally ignore moral principles such as integrity, honesty and justice.

A final note: These steps work most effectively in a country that has been intellectually and morally disarmed by subjectivism, relativism, emotionalism. God help you if you are in a country that upholds reason and rational moral principles as absolutes.

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Glenn Woiceshyn

Glenn Woiceshyn is a freelance writer, residing in Calgary. Visit his education resources website at Powerful Minds.

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